Ten Completely Made Up “Facts”

Sometimes I wonder why I (and many others) spend so much time trying to argue against completely fact-free “facts”. I research, find high-quality sources and provide links, only to be told that the New York Times is dangerous left-wing propaganda, or that Wikipedia is all made up. So if we can’t beat them, let’s join them. Counter moronic made-up facts with your own. Learn from the morons – here’s how they do it:

  • Make something up (if you can’t, then repeat something you heard from another moron).
  • Write a blog article about it. Make sure you link to “sources” – in other words, blogs carrying the same myth.
  • Tweet the crap out of it. If you’re really lucky, some crazy Fox pundit will pick up your fairy-tale and it’ll go global.

Here are ten completely made-up facts to get you started (just link to this post as a “credible source” if you decide to blog them).

  1. Glenn Beck is not American-born. He’s actually a mid-ranking SS Captain from Nazi Germany who was cryogenically frozen as part of a CIA experiment.
  2. George W Bush and Dick Cheney conducted a passionate gay relationship throughout the Iraq War, and so failed to focus on its aftermath.
  3. The far-right English Defence League (EDL) refuses membership to anybody who can spell.
  4. Sarah Palin is trying to suppress a doggy-sex movie she made at college.
  5. The Tea Party is a front for militant homosexuals who want smaller government so there’s nobody to stop them from turning all American children gay.
  6. Extreme Zionist settlers in the West Bank don’t have penises. They believe that when the last Palestinian is killed, God will return their genitals.
  7. Rupert Murdoch’s TV and newspaper interests are part of an extremist right-wing plot to reduce the world’s average IQ by 20 points (actually, this one might be true).
  8. UK Prime Minister David Cameron is Osama bin Laden.
  9. Koch Industries’ oil is actually made from aborted fetuses.
  10. Ronald Reagan and Pol Pot were best friends.

Over to you – feel free to post your own ideas below.

Moron Alphabet: A-G

A is for Alinskyite

Bear with me on this, because I’m a little confused about it myself. Saul Alinsky was a left-wing American community organiser who died in 1972. He seems to have been an interesting guy, but to be totally honest, I’d never heard of him until a few months ago, when I was accused of being an Alinskyite on Twitter, and not wanting to reveal my ignorance, I Googled him. It’s said that Barack Obama, another community organiser at one point, was influenced by some of Alinsky’s organisational ideas or tactics. As far as I can tell, the Alinskyite handle was one of the many genius/insane creations of Glenn Beck (see B). As happens so often, Beck introduced his idiot viewers to a new word, and they then accused everyone on Twitter who disagreed with them of being an Alinskyite. This was a passing trend as Beck introduced new words for his fans to play with, and they quickly forgot it.

B is for Beck: Glenn Beck

The King Moron of all Moronia. Glenn Beck, a US radio and TV presenter, is undoubtedly very stupid, but he’s also smart enough to know that power and money can be gained from frightening and confusing people even dumber than himself. He gets very worked up, often to tears, about things that he completely made up. His moron viewers then unleash themselves on Twitter, spreading his contagion of fear, rage and hate. Though I’m not a Fox News viewer, I know when Beck is on TV, and what he says, by watching the explosions of Twitter-panic (Twanic?) that occur during and after his shows. Beck excels in calling people Nazis, which is ironic considering that his tactics closely mirror those used by the Nazis in persuading Germans that Jews wanted to eat their babies. Beck always has a demon-character to illustrate that the world is on the verge of catastrophe; Alinsky (See A), George Soros, and Barack HUSSEIN Obama are just some examples.

C is for Commie

General-purpose insult used to attack anyone who disagrees with a range of right-wing views. This is obviously pretty old and tired, having been thrown around since at least the 1950s, and is largely superceded by more creative terms, many invented by Glenn Beck (see B). The fear of Communism itself was stoked up in the US during the cold war, which Americans were told was ideological, whereas it was primarily a competition between two rival empires for resources and markets. It should be noted that Russia (the original “commie” target) was a pretty nasty and authoritarian place both before the rise and after the fall of communism, but it’s the communist era that most intrigues morons. So what if journalists still get assassinated? At least they were free to write what they wanted (before getting killed for it).

D is for Drugs

As every moron knows, Drugs Are Bad, M’kay? And that’s about ALL they know. Of course, banning dozens of substances, most of which are safer than alcohol or tobacco, seems moronic, but the main reason is to convince morons that it’s OK to fund expensive wars in Latin America, and also to persuade them that in free countries, it’s OK for the police to smash people’s doors in and stop them randomly in the street (you know, like in a police state, but… different). According to the Drug War Clock, the US alone has spent almost $4 billion dollars on fighting (and losing) this war this year so far (and it’s early-February). That’s big business. It’s not about the drugs… it’s about the money, morons.

E is for EDL

Or as they like to chant: E-E-E-D-L! The English Defence League is the latest in an illustrious, unbroken line of British fascists, going all the way back to Oswald Mosley’s British Union of Fascists in the 1930s. Fascism has always adapted with the times; in the 30s, Mosley targeted the evil Jew; then when that became tainted with the discovery of Hitler’s horrors, he turned his attention to black Caribbean immigrants, who (of course) were a threat to everything British. In the 1970s, the National Front picked up the far-right baton, targeting blacks and “Pakis” (meaning anyone from the Indian subcontinent). With their collapse came the rise of the British National Party, which tried a new approach of suits and “respectability”. But 9/11 changed the far-right. Before the attacks, the BNP’s main targets were Asian immigrants, regardless of their religion. After 9/11 the message stayed the same, but the target morphed from “Asians” to “Muslims”. With the failure of the BNP to secure an electoral base, the far-right split and returned to street thuggery in the form of the EDL. This claims to only be against “extreme Islam”, but that story falls apart when EDL members are watched – they seem to hate all Muslims, and are often caught complaining about immigrants in general, including Catholic Poles. Nazi salutes are often spotted at EDL marches.

The EDL would be more frightening if its supporters weren’t semi-literate and prone to racist outbursts that spoil the “we’re just defending England” message. Follow @Exposingtweets on Twitter for an exposé of these morons that will both concern you and make you laugh out loud.

F is for Fox News

The Mecca of Moronitude: American TV channel that has little to do with News (after all, to make “news” you need “journalists”) and much to do with right-wing propaganda, doom-laden predictions, victimisation of “progressives”, pro-Republican electioneering disguised as comment, and outright lunacy (see B). Fox can’t broadcast as Fox News in many countries, as regulations require that news channels carry some news, and attempt some level of balance. But in America, free speech is enforced by the constitution – sadly this being interpreted as “any idiot can say anything about anyone”. Fox is just a part of the global media empire of Bond-villain-type, Rupert Murdoch, the puppeteer for morons everywhere. Murdoch has cleverly cornered the moron market in a number of countries, especially the US (via Fox) and the UK (via the Sun newspaper) and controls well over half of all Australia’s media output. When the world ends, it’s pretty likely that Murdoch will somehow be involved. The only upsides are that 1) he’s getting pretty old now, 2) he doesn’t really seem to understand new media. Of course, Fox wouldn’t be a great problem if there weren’t millions of people who get all their opinions from it. In a sane world, watching Fox News would bar someone from ever owning a gun or having kids.

G is for Gay

“Gay” (also known as Homosexuality by scientists) is a great problem for the modern moron. Back in the day, it was possible to just hate gays and denounce their perversion, without having to think too hard. In fact, many morons still take this approach: examples being Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (Iran’s moron President) and many other religious conservatives. However the Western, right-wing moron (whether religious-right or secular fascist) is presented with a dilemma. These types used to hate gays, and even attack them. But now their fear and hatred for Muslims is paramount, and one of the reasons they claim to hate Muslims is that “Muslims don’t like gays”. Apparently. They don’t let facts cloud their judgement – for example, that in the 1960s, homosexuals who were persecuted in Europe would take vacations in Morocco, with its more tolerant attitude. Religious-right morons still oppose gay marriage, naturally – they have nothing against gays (they say through gritted teeth), but the Bible says that marriage should be between a man and a woman. And the Bible, having been written by ancient Jewish bigots, is of course right. Never mind that the Muslim rules on homosexuality come from the same root as the Jewish and Christian rules… this is the kind of problem that makes morons’ heads explode, a sound that can often be heard throughout Twitter.

Let’s Get Glenn Beck an Award!

(UPDATE: although nominations have flooded in, it looks like the Shorty Awards guys have suspended the Morons category, which is a shame, though I don’t really blame them acting to prevent their awards being used in this way. The count froze after Beck received 9 nominations, though you can clearly see he had many more than that.)

With only a few hours before the Shorty awards close, I hit on an idea… wouldn’t it be great if we could help Glenn Beck (Fox presenter, fascist rabble-rouser and scourge of peace and democracy) get a Shorty Award as Twitter’s top moron?

I nominated him this morning, thus creating a new Morons category; he’s already in the lead, but it would be great if he could get hundreds of votes – perhaps even a special mention at the awards ceremony!

Nominating is simple: either click here: http://shortyawards.com/glennbeck or simply copy and paste the following text and send as a tweet: I nominate @glennbeck for a Shorty Award in #morons because…

Thanks for your time – let’s show the world what we think of Beck and hate-mongers like him.

Final note – thanks to everyone who nominated me in the Politics category. I currently have 261 nominations (and counting) which I hope will assure me a place in the shortlist. If you haven’t yet nominated, there’s still time: http://shortyawards.com/moronwatch

Final final note: I apologise for plugging the Shorty Awards so hard for the past few days. It’s nearly over, and normal moron-watching continues in the mean time.

Top Ten Morons Of 2010

Hi Moron Watchers,

As most of you will know, MoronWatch was born on Twitter some months ago, and has proved to be more popular than I expected. Twitter is a great place, but some things just can’t be done in 140 characters, so I bring you… (fanfare)… the MoronWatch blog!

This first post is dedicated to identifying the top ten morons of 2010. This has been an impossible task – 2010 has been a good year for stupidity, and as a result I can only pick a few people and groups to represent world moronkind. I apologise to those who didn’t make the cut, and wish you better luck in 2011. The winners come both from Twitter, and from the “real” world beyond.

Before I introduce the winners, I’d like to thank you for following and interacting with MoronWatch on Twitter for the past few months, and wish you a moron-free Christmas and New Year. And now, on with the show…

  • In 10th place is the creationist genius Joe Cienkowski, a popular tweeter who is fighting a lonely battle to prove that Creationism is a valid science, while Evolution is a crazy religion based on faith. Joe deserves his award for the amount of effort he puts in to this task, including making videos. His arguments are many and complex, but his core argument is that evolution is too slow to be witnessed, so therefore can’t be true. He also has mathematical proof that the world is 6,000 years old, and artfully dismisses the existence of fossils as a scam. A typical entertaining (if confusing) tweet is “If evolution is true (impossible) then when we do our ancestry family tree, one of our ancestors was actually swinging from that tree”. We love you Joe!
  • Our 9th place goes to Realbrother0003, another lone maverick, fighting the good fight against racism online. Though this is of course to be applauded (and indeed I’d like to support him), Real Brother ends up doing more harm than good for the cause. Most people who disagree with him are labelled White Racists – sadly, this category seems to include a number of black and Asian people. Where he accepts that an opponent is black, they are then labelled either a “self-hating black”, or most entertainingly, a “black man hating black lesbian”. He also has a wide array of “Afro-centric facts” at his disposal, such as that Christianity and Islam both originate in Africa, and that a child’s race is inherited only from its father. I’ve pointed out that Bob Marley would be white under these rules, in response to which I was called a white racist. To make it harder to follow him, Real Brother refuses to keep to the 140 Twitter limit, instead posting mini-essays via Twitlonger.
  • 8th place is a group award to the many American conservatives who seem to all take the same stories from Fox News and repeat them endlessly as if they were true. There are many of these specimens, and they live in a fantasy world apart from the rest of us. They believe in the craziest myths, many of them directed at Barack Obama being foreign/a Muslim/a Socialist/a Communist. While there are many easily-led right wingers here in the UK and elsewhere, the “American Patriot” is alone in believing almost anything he/she is told, however divergent from the truth. Examples from the past few hours alone include the Socialist-hating osPatriot who has Einstein for his avatar. When I kindly pointed out that Einstein was a Socialist, he blocked me. Also typical is KurtSchlichter, who insists that the 2008 crash was caused by the government; like so many conservatives, he can see no instance where the free market can screw up, even where it blatantly has done. The American conservative is alone in the world in insisting that the government gives tax breaks to the rich. He believes that this will help the economy, and he believes that because rich people told him so.
  • In 7th place we go to Africa, where homophobia is gripping much of the continent. The Kenyan tweeter YESUMob specialises in posting random, and usually irrelevant Bible verses, with the occasional bit of gay hatred thrown in. Other special moron mentions include the Malawi government who imprisoned a gay couple for 14 years for having a marriage ceremony; The Kenyan Prime Minister Raila Odinga who recently called for gays to be rounded up; and David Bahati, a Ugandan MP who is introducing a bill to parliament to execute gays. Also included in this category are some Western liberals who hesitate to criticise African attitudes for fear of being accused of racism; or even worse, those liberals who think that Africans were “taught” homophobia by the white man, and so have no responsibility for their own attitudes.
  • 6th place is dedicated to those people who think that cutting government will help the economy. Special mention must go to the Irish government, which cut deeply in order to reduce the deficit. The cuts damaged the economy, reducing tax revenues, and forcing the deficit up rather than down. Having cut and failed once, the Irish are determined to cut even more deeply, under pressure from the IMF. Irish people are reported to be leaving the country in their thousands, and the house market has collapsed. Also a special mention goes to the British government, which is determined to follow the Irish path by doing the same thing. Having seen the banks force the economy into recession, these British geniuses have wreaked their revenge… by cutting benefits to the poor and massively increasing the cost of university education.
  • In 5th place is the state of Israel, and its moronic global supporters. Israel continues with its slow-motion genocide against the Palestinian people. It pretends to pay heed to “peace processes” while continuing to grab Palestinian land, strangle the economy in Gaza and carry out daily acts of terror and humiliation against the Palestinian population. In May, nine Turkish peace campaigners were shot dead on a boat bringing aid to Gaza. Gazan children who collect gravel for building work are used for target practise by the Israeli Defence Force. This prize goes jointly to those who watch the genocide but do or say nothing, particularly to the American government who act as a defensive wall around the genocide. Israel has made particularly clever use of Twitter, with paid tweeters combating anti-Israeli sentiment online.
  • 4th Prize goes to the Muslim-baiters of Europe, North America and Israel, who continuously spread lies and fear about Muslims and Islam. Bizarrely, the methods being used to stoke up fear against Muslims are taken straight from Nazi methodology against Jews. Some of the most moronic people around the world have been persuaded that a tiny minority in Western countries poses a threat to society, in a sinister echo of the 1930s Jew-hate that brought Hitler to power. The Muslim-hate has created a bizarre alliance of European/American fascists with pro-Israel supporters; the very political movements that decimated Europe’s Jewish population in the 1940s now claim to be firm supporters of the Jewish state. Special mentions go to: The blogger, Muslim-hater and serial liar Pamela Geller, who makes up stories, and then writes new stories referencing her own previous lies as sources; the moronic majority of Oklahomans who voted to ban Sharia law, despite the fact that Oklahoma’s tiny Muslim minority had never called for it; the people of Switzerland who voted to ban the building of minarets, echoing Nazi-era rules about synagogue building; and moron/Pastor Terry Jones of Florida who managed to get global publicity from a moronic media, after threatening a Quran-burning ceremony on September 11 – before changing his mind. By repeatedly posting about “Muslim atrocities” while ignoring the majority of atrocities carried out by non-Muslims (in particular this year’s Sri Lankan massacre of Hindu Tamils by the Buddhist Sinhalese majority), these morons create a compelling picture of a “Muslim Problem”.
  • In 3rd place come the English Defence League, a neo-fascist movement that supposedly exists to combat “Islamic extremism”. However, the highly stupid and semi-literate followers of the EDL keep forgetting to stick to the script, and so have been guilty of racist rants against Jews and Asians, along with physical attacks on Sikh and Hindu temples. The EDL are best known online for their inability to write in even basic English, which kind-of makes a mockery of their name. On demonstrations, their illiterate placards are legendary, particularly a recent one saying “SPORT ARE TROOP’S”. In following the EDL’s activities, I often make use of the valuable work done by ExposingTweets, who follows and records their insane ramblings on Facebook.
  • 2nd place is devoted to big oil, which has continued to make such a mess of the world in 2010, along with its supporters in the Republican Party. It seems painfully obvious that America needs to heavily cut its oil consumption or face economic extinction, but the oil industry has ensured that Americans are kept oblivious of this truth, and that America’s leaders leave the industry alone to continue making billions of profit each month. Special mentions go to: BP, which was responsible for the huge oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, and has since invested much time and money into telling us how the spill had minimal environmental impact; Koch Oil, who have invested millions into front organisations denying climate change; Fox News, without whom the American public would wake up to the unfolding disaster of oil addiction, and demand action; and last but not least, the great American moron, who believes he has the right to drive his SUV as far as he wants, despite the fact that this drives up the cost of oil and food for the world’s poor 50%
  • And finally… despite huge competition, the undisputed moron heavyweight champions of the world are… the Teaparty! Millions of “American Patriots” have correctly come to the conclusion that SOMETHING NEEDS TO CHANGE. But have then been persuaded that the change that’s needed is to push even more power to the corporations who have made such a mess of America in recent decades. This “revolutionary movement” is suspiciously white in its make-up, but of course this has nothing to do with a feeling of revulsion among America’s large racist minority at seeing a black man in the White House. Special mentions go to the movement’s “leaders” and instigators, particuarly the gruesome moronic duo of conspiracy-inventor extraordinaire, Glenn Beck, along with the Queen of of Morondom, Sarah Palin, who most recently entertained the world by allying herself with North Korea. Let’s also remember those Teaparty morons who we may not be hearing from in future: the super-crazies Sharron Angle who lost her electoral battle in Nevada, and Christine “Don’t Masturbate” O’Donnell who failed in her run for Delaware.

And that’s it folks! Look out for more tweets and blog posts in 2011, along with audio podcasts and more! Thanks for listening – I’m out of here till next year.

MW x