My Favourite Christian Fundamentalist Tweeters

Religion is one of the great applications of Twitter. Although I’m an atheist, and strongly believe that a world without religion would be a better world, I believe in religious freedom, and wouldn’t engage with someone for their beliefs alone. However, many use religion for profit, mix religion with bigotry, or are simply too crazily entertaining to ignore. Most of the craziest Christian tweeters are based in the US, although Africa will undoubtedly offer competition in this field as its broadband connections become faster and more reliable. There are so many great examples to choose from… here are just a few.

@MissRaissa

Miss Raissa says on her bio: I am a young woman who loves God. I enjoy intellectual conversations and politics. I am 100% Pro-Life. I have a tough personality and I am also really sweet.

Really sweet? If she says so herself… but many beg to differ, especially during her many outbursts against “evil” and “wickedness” – for example on her blog: Turn away from your wickedness. Depart from sexual immorality, fornication, adultery, drunkenness, lies, gossip, homosexuality, robbery, murder. Did you notice how she snuck in sexual immorality and homosexuality? It’s these types of statements that have won Miss Raissa more enemies than friends on Twitter. Miss R’s Congolese origins may help to explain her attitudes; African Christianity being a strand that can make even US varieties look moderate.

Miss R tweets liberally, and clearly struggles with the natural urges that afflict any woman of her age, as revealed by tweets such as: when you are dealing with lust – thus demonstrating how making lust “sinful” is a fantastic way of recruiting young people to religious causes.

Miss R can come across as a confused and misguided young woman, but her blog does contain a “Donate” button, and when pressed on what the donations are for, she tends to be uncharacteristically shy, saying that they will be used for “ministry”; she obviously understands the link between preaching and profit.

@BrendaSawJESUS

Brenda is a “Prophetess”, and as you might guess from her ID, she saw Jesus. She sees many other things too, and is here to warn us to turn to God before it’s too late. I’m never sure how much of Brenda’s persona is a money-making opportunity and how much may be caused by a mental illness, but given that she reaches thousands via Twitter and Facebook, and sells her book online (presumably at a profit if anyone buys it), I consider her fair game regardless.

Brenda explains how she achieved her role as a Spokeswoman For God on her blog as follows: At the end of 1997, God sent I, Brenda, a dream/omen warning of an eclipse crashing through my eldest daughter’s window. A few weeks later in 1998 she was diagnosed with Rheumatic Fever…

She interprets the above to mean that God was calling her, though in a similar position I’d have a few questions to ask God first, like: “An eclipse is a pretty vague way of warning about Rheumatic Fever isn’t it?”, or “How does an eclipse crash through a window?”, or “If you knew my daughter was going to fall ill, why didn’t you just stop it from happening in the first place?”

Brenda’s tweets tend to entertain; here’s a taster:

I am a End Times messenger of God..I am on social networking 2 relay the warnings that God is sending B4 Jesus appears!

Question: Isn’t being a false prophet a sin? Answer: Yes, but understand the difference. False prophets make up things. Real prophets don’t (I’d hate to ask how you tell the difference).

#PROPHECY Warning from the Lord God’ March 26, 2011 “Vision of Black People Worshipping and Explosion” (Brenda’s visions are always so impressively unusual).

@apiyor

Duncan Apiyo is (I believe) Kenyan, and boldly tweets his beliefs without regard to logic or political correctness.

His tweets range from the bigoted…

–Ěomosexuality is evil, nobody was created a homosexual, just like nobody was created a pedophile or a murderer. Romans 1

To the somewhat confused/confusing…

Love drives out fear, thats why the selfish, atheists and the nonebeliever will always be afraid.

To the what-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about???

Doing calculations to make my perpetual energy motion equipment a realityNobody knows all about electrons or neutrons, NO EVIDENCE. Nobody has seen them, hadron colider arround jupiter cant get you any evidence

Richard Carvath

We “don’t do religion” in the UK, so I’ve selected Mr Carvath as a relatively rare British example. While across the pond, the Republican Party is home to many religious nuts, their UK equivalent, the Conservatives, keep most of their remaining fundamentalists locked up in a closet somewhere, out of the public gaze.

Richard Carvath runs a blog where he describes himself as a political activist and a former member of the Conservative Party. It seems that his gay-hating, Muslim-hating views aren’t appreciated in the modern, newly-packaged Conservatives, at least not to be waved around too publicly.

While his blog is worth a read, Richard doesn’t appear to tweet, a great loss to moron-watchers everywhere. Searching for his name on Twitter only found one recent tweet, which sums up his importance to British society: RT @r2danny2: @JJBounce well Richard Carvath is just a twat really

@JoeCienkowski

Go out on a high, so they say, so I saved best till last. Joe’s Twitter activity has declined of late, but his one-man mission is to demonstrate, using nothing but pure scientific logic, that the Bible is literally true, including his “proofs” that the Earth is 6,000 years old. One of his key arguments is that you can trace a smooth population curve from the population of the Earth after Noah’s flood 4,000 years ago (8 people, apparently) to the current population, as revealed in this tweet: human population fits like hand in glove w Noah’s 8 people 4400 years ago to 250M in 0AD, 1B in 1804, to 6.7B today. 7B in 2012

Below are a couple more, though I can’t do Joe justice here – you can find his thoughts on Twitter and (I believe) elsewhere if you Google him, though his web site seems to have vanished for the time being.

there’s not a chance we evolved, as scientifically impossible. Real evidence shows creation- directly created male and female-is true

evolution is ‘fig newton’ of your imagination. It’s real only on ‘fairytale science’. In true reality, there’s clear 1st design

one tsunami and Japan is different as we know it. The amount of water (70% on earth) also proves the flood is literally true

the resurrection is a solid LITERAL historical fact that cant be discounted but only denied by incredibility

Sorry that I missed so many favourites… feel free to add more below.