Who Bombed Boston?

Something HUGE happened on Monday. A multiple bombing, resulting in fatalities and many injuries, which received saturation-level media coverage. The bombs in Nasariyah, Kirkuk and Baghdad killed at least 31 people and injured over 200.

Only joking. Monday was, of course, the date of the biggest bomb attack on US soil since 9/11. Some moron (or morons) planted home-made bombs, killing three innocent people and causing many serious injuries to others who were simply taking part in a marathon for charity. On Twitter, I was accused of a “lack of empathy” for even daring to raise deaths in Iraq or Pakistan, on the day that Americans were killed. Americans! Somebody doesn’t know the meaning of empathy, obviously.

We learned, again, that three is greater than 31. Or than 300. Or than 3000. There is huge empathy around the world for the people who were killed and injured on Monday in Boston, but also huge frustration at the total lack of empathy for the deaths occurring around the world – deaths for which Americans have blood on their hands. While Pakistanis have to suck up the fact that 50 civilians die for every “terrorist” killed in drone strikes – perhaps over 4,000 deaths so far.

Because Americans are real people, and Pakistanis… well, they’re not really, are they? Except they are. You have our empathy, America. Where is yours?

Now, of course, the predictable Muslim-baiting begins. The hate dollar is big, and Americans are the world’s greatest entrepreneurs. Hate sells in America. You may have killed hundreds of thousands of innocent people in the last decade, but playing the victim is way more fun than feeling, somewhere deep down, a little bit guilty. The usual suspects – those people and businesses who know how to play morons for the hate dollar – are out in force; and morons are buying.

So far, Fox News guest hater Erik Rush wins the top moron award for wanting to kill all Muslims in response to Boston. Generalising hate towards a quarter of the planet’s population at least means you avoid mistakes – like bombing Afghanistan, Iraq and Yemen when you are attacked by a small group of Saudi militants on 9/11.

But who bombed Boston? Fascists on both sides of the Atlantic think they know, and have wasted no time in telling us “it was Muslims”. Never mind that they have repeatedly called it wrong; they know that morons will forgive them getting it wrong repeatedly, if they only get right once. Who remembers now all the morons that blamed the Oslo bombing on Muslims? It was done, of course, by a right-wing “patriot”. Was there a witch-hunt of blond, right-wing patriots? No – acts of individuals are only blamed on groups when they’re brown-skinned.

I don’t know who bombed Boston, but I’ll stick my neck out – and unlike the fascists, I’ll use facts to make my best guess.

We know that from 1980 to 2005, 6% of terror attacks in America were carried out by Islamic extremists. We also know that extremism among far-right Christians is on the rise. The Oklahoma bombing was not a one-off: the Southern Poverty Law Center provides a long list of far-right and Christian plots that have taken place since. It’s easier to be scared of brown-skinned, Arabic- or Urdu-speaking foreigners than it is of the white “loner” who lives down the road, but statistically, the Boston bombing is far more likely to be the work of a Christian than a Muslim.

There’s a good chance that I’m wrong; there are Islamic terror groups that would no doubt like to target Americans (in fact, there are a lot more such groups than there were when the “war on terror” began in 2001). We’ll have to wait and see.

[UPDATE: as you probably noticed, the bombs were not planted by far-right Americans. I called it wrong. However, I called it less wrong than many media pundits are calling it, even now. The two Chechen murderers are variously described as anything from a “cell” to a full-blown Islamic plot to destroy humanity. The reaction has been breathtakingly moronic, even to a seasoned moron watcher. More to come shortly.]

One prediction that I’m sure of: morons always win from violence. Fear will grow; Obama will get more support for his attacks on US civil liberties; the military machine will thrive on the fear, get increased funding, and kill more brown people; the NRA will sell more guns; Glenn Beck and Pamela Geller will sell more of whatever they sell to morons. This cycle will keep on turning until Americans finally spot the pattern, and decide enough is enough. That’s all it needs.

Wearing Hoodies, And Other Dangerous Things

Geraldo Rivera, Moron
Moron

The story so far… a 17 year old black Florida teenager, Trayvon Martin, did something silly: he walked to a local shop to buy some Skittles, while both wearing a hoodie and being black. A “vigilante”, George Zimmerman, shot him dead. The local (Sanford) police decided there was no case to answer. And if it hadn’t come to national and global attention, the case would have ended there.

Today, moron Fox News commentator Geraldo Rivera said he would “bet money” Martin was shot because of the hoodie he was wearing. Personally, I’d bet money that Martin would still be alive if he wasn’t black.

In the spirit of Geraldo, here are some other victims who brought it on themselves:

  • Those who died on 9/11: you worked in a tall building? What did you expect? Stop blaming those poor, misguided terrorists.
  • Pearl Harbour: if you’re going to sit there looking all pearly and harboury, how did you expect the Japanese to resist?
  • Holocaust victims: look, everyone knows how much Europeans hated Jews. I bet money it wouldn’t have happened if the Jews had just acted a little less Jewish.
  • Deep South lynching victims: come on, you know what Southerners are like… just buy some skin bleaching ointment, already.
  • Rape victims: you walk around looking all rapeable. Who told you to smell nice and cut your hair?

Geraldo Rivera is one of a long list of victim blamers. Strange: it always seems to be the Freedom-screaming right who manage to find reasons why too much freedom is a bad thing. Here’s hoping someone catches Rivera outdoors wearing something they find scary. He’s asking for it.

Iran, 9/11 and Morons

Freedom & Democracy
Freedom & Democracy

In these moronic times, truth is often weirder than fiction. It’s been obvious for many years that the US war machine is desperate to find an excuse, any excuse, to attack Iran. In 2001, Bush included Iran in his “axis of evil” (aka places we plan to attack). Only the complete disaster that was the Iraq War prevented the US from having the capability for war with Iran. Now that troops are being drawn down from Iraq, the Pentagon is ready for war with Iran. Furthermore, the Pentagan needs war with Iran. Not using those troops and weapons would mean not spending the huge military budget, which could lead legislators to believe that it’s too big… and the Pentagon just loves its budget.

A few weeks ago, in the spirit of satire, I wrote a piece called Twenty Reasons To Attack Iran. This was to help out the poor people at the Pentagon, struggling to justify their planned war. Point three of the 20 read:

3. They were responsible for 9/11.

A joke, of course. The 9/11 attack was carried out by a dissident Saudi group, Al Qaida. It was then blamed on the Taliban (as an excuse for the Afghan war) and then insinuated that Saddam Hussein was involved (as an excuse for the Iraq War). Surely the same excuse wouldn’t really be used again?

Well yes, it turns out… Fox News (who else?) have reported that Iran “may have had a hand in 9/11” (see video below). Ludicrous? Of course. But never underestimate the stupidity of morons – least of all Fox News viewers. If the majority of Americans were capable of thinking for themselves, the Iraq war would never have been tolerated. Nor would the Patriot act, or Vietnam, for that matter. If the American moron wasn’t so moronic, the huge military budget would have been reallocated to spending on things that Americans actually need – education, healthcare, that kind of commie stuff. But the American moron is that moronic – watch out for morons repeating this nonsense.

Meanwhile, I think I’ll stop attempting satire – reality is more satirical than I could ever be.

Barack Obama Exposes Birthers As Morons

Most of you, whether in the US or anywhere else on Earth, will have heard about the Birther controversy. The widespread rumour that Barack Obama wasn’t born in the US, and so was ineligible to become President. In an attempt to lay the story to rest, Obama released his birth certificate during the 2008 election campaign; but the story, fueled by political rumours, continued to grow, with denials that the certificate released was real, and calls for the release of the “long-form” birth certificate.

The point was often made that no former (white) President had ever been asked to show his certificate – that the claims about Obama being non-American were coming from the traditionally racist right-wing constituency who were doubtless enraged with the election of a black President, and for whom the birth certificate issue became a proxy for their racism.

The discussion had seemed like it may slowly subside into the darkest corners of moronic conspiracy blogs when at the start of 2011, along came publicity-seeking billionaire Donald Trump, who raised the profile of the discussion again, much to the delight of the Obama-hating right, including the 40% of Republicans who believed that Obama was born overseas.

Then a couple of weeks ago, something strange happened; Fox News pundits who had enjoyed spreading anti-Obama stories, including birth-certificate-related ones, suddenly started to come out against the conspiracy theory. Had the anti-Obama right finally seen sense and decided to allow some honesty into the debate? Well, it seems not…

Today in a surprise announcement, Obama called time on the hysteria and released the long-form certificate. Perhaps he had finally decided to end the dumb discussion. Or maybe he’d carefully picked the moment to cause maximum political damage to his enemies. If the latter, he thoroughly deserves his moment, after having to take flak from morons over a period of more than two years.

So let’s look at who (deservedly) loses out here:

  • Donald Trump, who decided it was smart to place himself at the head of the birther movement, and whose presidential run is probably now doomed as a result. Strangely, Trump is trying to spin the birth certificate release as a victory… well, good luck with that!
  • The Republican Party, which allowed the discussion to grow and grow, and now can only be damaged by it.
  • The Tea Party, the fake “revolutionary” movement created by right-wing billionaires, which is tainted with birtherism.
  • The right-wing media, most of all Fox News, that helped spread the idea. Even right-wing British rags like the Daily Mail joined the game.
  • And finally, thousands of ordinary morons who used Twitter to repeat the lies they’d been told. Their racism got the better of their reason (if they had any to start with) and they end up looking most stupid of all.

The War On Morons has a long way to go; but today marks victory in a decisive battle.

Moron Alphabet: A-G

A is for Alinskyite

Bear with me on this, because I’m a little confused about it myself. Saul Alinsky was a left-wing American community organiser who died in 1972. He seems to have been an interesting guy, but to be totally honest, I’d never heard of him until a few months ago, when I was accused of being an Alinskyite on Twitter, and not wanting to reveal my ignorance, I Googled him. It’s said that Barack Obama, another community organiser at one point, was influenced by some of Alinsky’s organisational ideas or tactics. As far as I can tell, the Alinskyite handle was one of the many genius/insane creations of Glenn Beck (see B). As happens so often, Beck introduced his idiot viewers to a new word, and they then accused everyone on Twitter who disagreed with them of being an Alinskyite. This was a passing trend as Beck introduced new words for his fans to play with, and they quickly forgot it.

B is for Beck: Glenn Beck

The King Moron of all Moronia. Glenn Beck, a US radio and TV presenter, is undoubtedly very stupid, but he’s also smart enough to know that power and money can be gained from frightening and confusing people even dumber than himself. He gets very worked up, often to tears, about things that he completely made up. His moron viewers then unleash themselves on Twitter, spreading his contagion of fear, rage and hate. Though I’m not a Fox News viewer, I know when Beck is on TV, and what he says, by watching the explosions of Twitter-panic (Twanic?) that occur during and after his shows. Beck excels in calling people Nazis, which is ironic considering that his tactics closely mirror those used by the Nazis in persuading Germans that Jews wanted to eat their babies. Beck always has a demon-character to illustrate that the world is on the verge of catastrophe; Alinsky (See A), George Soros, and Barack HUSSEIN Obama are just some examples.

C is for Commie

General-purpose insult used to attack anyone who disagrees with a range of right-wing views. This is obviously pretty old and tired, having been thrown around since at least the 1950s, and is largely superceded by more creative terms, many invented by Glenn Beck (see B). The fear of Communism itself was stoked up in the US during the cold war, which Americans were told was ideological, whereas it was primarily a competition between two rival empires for resources and markets. It should be noted that Russia (the original “commie” target) was a pretty nasty and authoritarian place both before the rise and after the fall of communism, but it’s the communist era that most intrigues morons. So what if journalists still get assassinated? At least they were free to write what they wanted (before getting killed for it).

D is for Drugs

As every moron knows, Drugs Are Bad, M’kay? And that’s about ALL they know. Of course, banning dozens of substances, most of which are safer than alcohol or tobacco, seems moronic, but the main reason is to convince morons that it’s OK to fund expensive wars in Latin America, and also to persuade them that in free countries, it’s OK for the police to smash people’s doors in and stop them randomly in the street (you know, like in a police state, but… different). According to the Drug War Clock, the US alone has spent almost $4 billion dollars on fighting (and losing) this war this year so far (and it’s early-February). That’s big business. It’s not about the drugs… it’s about the money, morons.

E is for EDL

Or as they like to chant: E-E-E-D-L! The English Defence League is the latest in an illustrious, unbroken line of British fascists, going all the way back to Oswald Mosley’s British Union of Fascists in the 1930s. Fascism has always adapted with the times; in the 30s, Mosley targeted the evil Jew; then when that became tainted with the discovery of Hitler’s horrors, he turned his attention to black Caribbean immigrants, who (of course) were a threat to everything British. In the 1970s, the National Front picked up the far-right baton, targeting blacks and “Pakis” (meaning anyone from the Indian subcontinent). With their collapse came the rise of the British National Party, which tried a new approach of suits and “respectability”. But 9/11 changed the far-right. Before the attacks, the BNP’s main targets were Asian immigrants, regardless of their religion. After 9/11 the message stayed the same, but the target morphed from “Asians” to “Muslims”. With the failure of the BNP to secure an electoral base, the far-right split and returned to street thuggery in the form of the EDL. This claims to only be against “extreme Islam”, but that story falls apart when EDL members are watched – they seem to hate all Muslims, and are often caught complaining about immigrants in general, including Catholic Poles. Nazi salutes are often spotted at EDL marches.

The EDL would be more frightening if its supporters weren’t semi-literate and prone to racist outbursts that spoil the “we’re just defending England” message. Follow @Exposingtweets on Twitter for an exposé of these morons that will both concern you and make you laugh out loud.

F is for Fox News

The Mecca of Moronitude: American TV channel that has little to do with News (after all, to make “news” you need “journalists”) and much to do with right-wing propaganda, doom-laden predictions, victimisation of “progressives”, pro-Republican electioneering disguised as comment, and outright lunacy (see B). Fox can’t broadcast as Fox News in many countries, as regulations require that news channels carry some news, and attempt some level of balance. But in America, free speech is enforced by the constitution – sadly this being interpreted as “any idiot can say anything about anyone”. Fox is just a part of the global media empire of Bond-villain-type, Rupert Murdoch, the puppeteer for morons everywhere. Murdoch has cleverly cornered the moron market in a number of countries, especially the US (via Fox) and the UK (via the Sun newspaper) and controls well over half of all Australia’s media output. When the world ends, it’s pretty likely that Murdoch will somehow be involved. The only upsides are that 1) he’s getting pretty old now, 2) he doesn’t really seem to understand new media. Of course, Fox wouldn’t be a great problem if there weren’t millions of people who get all their opinions from it. In a sane world, watching Fox News would bar someone from ever owning a gun or having kids.

G is for Gay

“Gay” (also known as Homosexuality by scientists) is a great problem for the modern moron. Back in the day, it was possible to just hate gays and denounce their perversion, without having to think too hard. In fact, many morons still take this approach: examples being Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (Iran’s moron President) and many other religious conservatives. However the Western, right-wing moron (whether religious-right or secular fascist) is presented with a dilemma. These types used to hate gays, and even attack them. But now their fear and hatred for Muslims is paramount, and one of the reasons they claim to hate Muslims is that “Muslims don’t like gays”. Apparently. They don’t let facts cloud their judgement – for example, that in the 1960s, homosexuals who were persecuted in Europe would take vacations in Morocco, with its more tolerant attitude. Religious-right morons still oppose gay marriage, naturally – they have nothing against gays (they say through gritted teeth), but the Bible says that marriage should be between a man and a woman. And the Bible, having been written by ancient Jewish bigots, is of course right. Never mind that the Muslim rules on homosexuality come from the same root as the Jewish and Christian rules… this is the kind of problem that makes morons’ heads explode, a sound that can often be heard throughout Twitter.