Is The World Going To End On Friday?

Harold Camping, Moron
Waiting For The End Of The World

Cast your mind back, if you can, to 21st May. You may remember Harold Camping predicting that the second coming of Christ would occur on that day. I blogged about this beforehand, and on 22nd May I asked the question: Whatever Happened To Jesus?

Now, some people mistakenly assumed that Camping was predicting the end of the world on 21st May. Of course not: that would be silly. What he actually predicted was that Jesus would return on 21st May, beginning a five month period of judgement, and on 21st October, the righteous would rise up to heaven while the Earth was destroyed in a hideous inferno. These dates are based on very precise mathematics which are far too complex for the average person to follow. I included Camping’s full reasoning as an appendix to my original post, but you read at your own risk: headaches may result.

The global news media, as ever failing to research properly, are reporting that Camping has switched the end date from May to October. In Camping’s defence, he has been consistent in his predictions. Yet again, MoronWatch stands alone in exposing shoddy journalism. Anyway, back to the story…

Unfortunately for Camping and his followers, especially those who threw in their jobs in preparation for the end, the second coming didn’t apparently take place on 21st May. Undeterred, Camping’s ministry published an explanation: Judgement Day did occur on May 21; or to be more accurate, the period of judgement began, to end precisely on October 21 as promised. Camping had predicted earthquakes, and he explains the lack of obvious quakes that day as follows:

In Genesis 2:7 we read:

And Jehovah God formed man of the dust of the ground…

Thus the word “earthquake” can also be understood to teach that mankind shakes.

And since mankind shook with fear on May 21 (at least, that small part of mankind that takes Camping seriously), the prophecy was self-fulfilling and therefore true.

What all this means is that the world is due to end on Friday. Sadly, because May’s Second Coming was such a disappointment, fewer people are taking this date seriously. Personally, I plan to engage in a massive orgy of sex and drugs, just in case… it would be a shame to let the opportunity pass. Meanwhile, mocking the gullible is highly recommended: it may seem mean to laugh at those whose dreams have been shattered, but since their dreams involve 99% of mankind suffering in eternal hellfire, I think mockery is the least they deserve.

Whatever Happened To Jesus?

Well folks, here we are: 22nd May 2011. The Second Coming was yesterday, according to the lying fraudulent moron Harold Camping. To be fair, as we go to press, it’s still 21st May in some parts of the world. But unless Jesus decides to appear in Hawaii any minute now, we can assume it’s not going to happen.

Us educated, enlightened people can have a good laugh if we choose (watch the hilarity unfold live on the #May21 Twitter hashtag), at the poor suckers who believed Camping and prepared for Jesus. You can imagine their shock and disappointment, even if they didn’t get rid of their worldly possessions or tell their boss to go fuck himself. But really it’s not so funny.

Camping, like anyone who makes money from selling God, Jesus, Heaven or The Rapture, is a fraud and a liar. He’s also a very wealthy man, who’s made tens of millions of dollars from selling false hope to the poor, the desperate and – let’s tell it how it is – the stupid.

He’s not the only bad guy here: the US education system, for example, could be expected to arm people against obvious nonsense like the Rapture fairy-tale. And the desperately unfair distribution of wealth in modern US society has left millions of people poor and desperate enough – within the world’s wealthiest society – to turn to this modern-day witch-doctery for help.

On the other hand… perhaps we shouldn’t be feeling too sorry for those who were hoping for the Second Coming yesterday. The Second Coming would have been Step One; Step Two being the Rapture on 21st October (again, according to Camping). The Rapture is a hateful piece of religious nonsense; it’s based on the End Of Days idea in 1 Thessalonians, with some 17th-century American modifications. The idea is that at the End Of Days, the righteous will literally rise up into the sky (naked, apparently) and ascend to heaven; while everyone else on Earth is condemned to burn in Hell for all eternity. If you follow some of these Armageddon types (as I have the pleasure of doing), you’ll realise that their anticipation isn’t just about rising to heaven; they’re equally excited about seeing us sinners (representing approximately 99% of the world’s population) stay behind and burn in hellfire. Which is hardly the kind of loving attitude Jesus was trying to encourage in his followers. So go on then, enjoy a moment of gloating. They would.