Celebrating Morons

From time to time, I feel a little guilty about picking on some of the most vulnerable people in society – the intellectually challenged – and feel I should give something back to their community, which has provided me with so much material. Moron culture, although apparently still buoyant worldwide, has actually been in decline ever since Copernicus disgracefully suggested that the universe may not be exactly as described in the Bible.

In recent years, political correctness has made life harder still for our moron cousins; not only is it considered “bad form” to lynch people, but even suggesting that it might be a good idea is frowned upon. The poor people are reduced to celebrating the execution of a (quite possibly innocent) black man in Georgia. What a sorry position for a once-proud group; the grandchildren of those who unashamedly strung black men from trees now spend their time tweeting that Troy Davis “got what he deserved”.
Likewise, these poor creatures have found themselves enduring all kinds of stress-related disorders while watching a black man become president and not being able to voice their true feelings. Indeed, many have fallen so low as to back a complete moron – Herman Cain – for President, simply on the basis that he’s black, in order to prove that they hate Obama for non-racial reasons.
On this side of the pond too, morons are prevented from celebrating their history and traditions. The ideological descendants of Mussolini, Hitler and Pétain have found a new scapegoat in Muslims, but in order to make themselves more palatable to the average moron-in-the-street, they’ve also had to pretend they don’t mind Jews or homosexuals. Imagine the frustration and humiliation they must experience daily.
No longer is it acceptable to hate immigrants for taking our women, playing rhythmic music or cooking food that actually tastes of something. In these politically-correct times, the socially-aware moron has to find a better reason for disliking immigrants, such as inventing the discovery of headless bodies, for example.
I know many of you think that morons are dangerous and worthless. Remember, African elephants were once so numerous that they seriously undermined attempts at agriculture and were seen as a pest. And now look. Do you really want your grandchildren to spend their holidays on safari so they can see the last few morons in their only remaining natural habitat (Georgia)?

At an accelerating pace, morons are in terminal decline. Literacy, education, automatic weaponry – these things are all eroding mankind’s proud moronic legacy. Before we dismiss and ridicule these people, remember: we were them, once. I too had a great-grandfather who objected to being operated on by an Indian doctor. No doubt one of my long-distant ancestors killed a fellow tribesman for believing in the wrong shape of god. In my time of extended exposure to moronkind, I’ve found myself touched, even charmed by these simple folk. It may not be a fashionable cause, but I ask you to join me in celebrating the semi-evolved who still live among us, struggling to maintain their moronic traditions in the modern, connected world. Value them, while you still can.

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