The Moron Dictionary

Afghanistan(n) – A scary place that came into existence in 2001

Armageddon(n) – End of the world. Happening any time now since 33AD

Bachmann(v) – Say the most insane thing with conviction, knowing that there’s someone stupid enough to believe it

China(n) – Evil country that lent Americans money without warning they’d have to pay it back
Climate change(n) – Dumb theory invented by evil scientists who want to stop Americans driving their cars for some reason I can’t think of at the moment
Communist(n) – An evil God-hating person who hides under your bed
Drill(v) – The solution to all our problems
Evil-doer(n) – See Communist
Fox(v) – Destroy someone’s ability to think for themselves
Freedom(n) – A nice word to put in your Twitter bio. No idea what it means
Gun(n) – Perfectly safe device, except when in the vicinity of people
Iran(n) – A scary place that came into existence in 1979Iraq(n) – A scary place that came into existence in 1990
Islam(n) – A scary religion that came into existence in 2001
Israel(n) – A great country created on a previously empty piece of land so that Jesus can come back
Marijuana(n) – An evil plant that turns Christians into Communists
Massacre(n)
1. Something bad that brown people do
2. Something sad but necessary that white people do
Oil(n) – A fantastic substance discovered by kind corporations in infinite quantities that causes no harm to anybody or anything whatsoeverPalin(v) – Make millions of dollars by pretending to be a politicianRiot(n)

1. An event of violent social unrest, carried out by evil criminals in England

2. An event of violent social unrest, carried out by good, oppressed people anywhere else

Science(n) – A bizarre set of theories designed by Communists to destroy civilisation as we know it
Somalia(n) – A scary place that came into existence in 1993
Terrorism(n) – An act of mass murder that kills white peopleTime Travel(n) – The method by which Obama caused the sub-prime mortgage disasterUS Constitution(n) – A great document that says guns are good and taxes are bad. That’s all it says, so don’t bother actually reading it

Vietnam(n) – A scary place that came into existence in 1955

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